eHarmony sChmarmony

A few months ago I decided I was going to try eHarmony after the holidays.  I have a friend who does it and actually meets fun people, well, fun people for her.  She gets all these investment bankers and traders who shop at Barney’s and hang out at the hottest clubs.  That’s a pretty good fit for her.  I tend prefer my guys a little less buttoned up but I’m sick of meeting “artists” or “writers” (aka waiters and temps) at bars in Williamsburg so I’m going to give this eHarmony thing a try to see if I can meet a cool guy somewhere inbetween stock broker and just plain broke.

Anyway, I’m filling out the profile thing now because I heard that if you do it and don’t sign up they’ll send you some discounts.  Plus, you get to see some of your matches and it helps with my whole not-doing-work-at-work pastime.  This questionnaire has hundreds of questions, mostly picking things out on a scale of one to seven with a few open ended ones.  I’m having such a hard time answering these things.  One of them was “Name the three things you are MOST thankful for”.  My response to this one took me and my top gay about 45 minutes to answers because I want to be truthful but when you don’t know me some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth doesn’t make sense.  Were I to answer this question truthfully, I would say:

  1. Puppies
  2. Homosexuals, specifically male homosexuals
  3. DVR

If you know me, it makes so much sense.  I DO love puppies.  They turn my cold, black heart into a warm, gooey s’more.  And I DO love homosexuals.  My life without gay men would be unimaginable.  And, well, I’ve often been heard referring to my DVR as my boyfriend.  That said, if you don’t know me I sound like a fat chick with a bobblehead kitten collection.  So how did I respond?

  1. It sounds generic, but I’m thankful for my mom and my close friends.
  2. I’m thankful for being healthy and happy.
  3. DVR

That sounds much more normal, right?  It also doesn’t sound like that took two people 45 minutes to come up with.

The question that just popped up is “What are you passionate about?”  This is gonna take me like 3 days to finish.  Off the top of my head, here’s what I am really, actually passionate about:

I am passionate about pop music, specifically Britney Spears; drinking wine and smoking cigarettes; gay men and their preferred brand of lubricant; Gossip Girl; men with large penises; men with accents; men with puppies; the zoo; Mexican food; wearing the color royal blue; not cleaning my apartment; Ambien and Xanax; Robert Pattinson; gossip blogs; ordering french fries at fancy restaurants; good tequila; dancing with gay men; dancing with black men; reading; and, finally, having fantastic hair.

That girl sounds like a train wreck!  A fun, hella cool train wreck you would love to have as a friend, but deffo not someone you would choose to date based on reading that.  Aight, I’m gonna go attempt to sound like a normal person now.  Wish me luck!

UPDATE:  Here’s what I ended up writing.  It actually only took me like half an hour.

I’m passionate about having fun.  Life should be something to enjoy and not just trudge through.  I work to live – not live to work.  My friends are very important to me.  The people you surround yourself with make all the difference so why not put a little extra effort into keeping the good ones around.  On a less philosophical note, you could also say I’m passionate about celebrity gossip, ordering French fries at fancy restaurants and paying the extra couple of bucks for the good scotch.

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